Why I Chose Law

So it has been a week since my finals ended. Sorry for not updating this blog any sooner, my deepest apology to the loyal readers and fans of vincephilosophy.com. All three of you (I am one of the readers, so strictly speaking, there’s only like two of y’all).

But hey, here I am! Ready to get back into the whole blogging scene and start flaunting my flair in composing painfully long sentences and paragraphs, comprising of countless redundant, insignificant words and terminologies in hopes that it will confuse the shit out of you when you make an attempt to read it. Gosh, I love you guys.

Before my exams, Priscilla asked me why did I chose to read law. And since she’s gonna be a law undergraduate as well, kudos and welcome to the hell of eternal torture where failure will lead to a disgrace to yourself, your family and your pet hamster world that promises an exciting undergraduate journey and bright future.

Now, how about I start off by talking a little bit about this examination that I just sat for some not too long ago. Some call it a conspiracy between the demons and university lecturers to torment young minds and violently rob them of their sanity, but I’ll just stick to calling it ‘exams’.

Laws examinations eh. It’s either you like it or you don’t. Quite frankly and surprisingly, I liked it. Granted that it’s a hellhole where you have shitload of information to memorise and regurgitate during the exams. You have no idea how much pain you’re subjected to during the course of revision (which in my case, commenced only a month before my first paper). The numbers of judgments and citations to be remembered is simply absurd. And to understand and subsequently remember these principles of law within a span of one month time, it’s like whips striking your bare skin over and over again. But then despite this metaphorical infliction of pain, I apparently enjoyed the process.

I’m not sounding too much like a fan of sadomasochism, am I? Whips, pain, enjoy? Meh, what the hell.

In all seriousness, I do hold a passionate enthusiasm in legal studies. I don’t know why, part me wants to be a stand-up comedian but another part of me wants to be a lawyer. I know it is virtually possible to do and excel in both fields at the same time, I mean, some lawyers are jokes themselves. Tan Keng Liang, for instance. Read his tweets and be prepared to overwhelm yourself with laughter through his ignorance that was provided so readily.

Anyway, back to the essence of this post. For the first time ever, the story of why I’ve decided to pursue a degree in law shall be told.

Reading law has been something of an ambition since high school. Okay, it was not exactly an ambition like I die die wanna be a lawyer since day one that kind of crap, but it was actually sparked from a slightly hilarious conversation I had with a couple of tuition friends. Yeah, remember that small-scaled class your parents paid so that you can go to at night and make new friends who were mostly of the opposite gender? Oh ya, and you’re suppose to do this thing called ‘learning’ at the same time as well lah.

Yeaaaahhh, I know this isn’t how a tuition centre for high-school kids looked like. But it’s close enough lah, with the ridiculously childish attitude some of us proudly whipped around back then. So the conversation.

“Oh, I’m gonna do medicine after Form 5.”

“Izzit? My parents want me to go USA do engineering wei.”

“Cool, I want to do biochemicalphysics computing science in peanut butter studies when I complete Form 5.” (Not too sure if that was what he said exactly, but I remember it was something fancy and canggih lah, I was only a Form 2 kiddo after all)

“Waaaa so cool.”

“So Vincent, whatchiu gonna do after Form 5?”

At this point of time, my attention was actually paid to this bunch of giggly girls’ two rows away from where I was sitting. They were just giggling loudly and poking each other for no apparent reason. AND I WAS ACTUALLY ATTRACTED TO THAT SHIT.

If only I could travel back in time and slap that retarded Form 2 self of mine and hope that he will develop a better taste in girls then.

“Ah what? What me?”

“No we asking you whatchiu gonna do after you graduate from secondary school?”

My eyes were still focused on the group of missies who by now are exchanging tickles with each other. Still giggling like an orgy of squirrels that are mating.

“Err, I guess anything I like I’ll do lor.”

GIGGLING GIRLS. ME. TOTALLY NOT FOCUSING ON THE CONVERSATION.

“Oh cool you’re gonna do law!”

“Big time lawyer lah next time, make big money drive big car marry big woman.”

“Ya, if somebody sues me I come find you ah next time ah ha ha ha.”

Realising that my excellent command of the English language at that point of time had earned me a reputation as the potential courtroom warrior, I sorta swayed along with it and went with the flow. Despite being a Form 2 young blood back then, my ego was as big as the blob of hair our current Prime Minister’s wife sports.

“Oh, er ha ha, yeah, I’m gonna study law. Har har.”

And that ladies and gentlemen, is the story of why I decided to pursue an education in legal studies. But of course, I’m not that shallow lah okay. This was only one of the reasons I’ve decided to read law. There was another factor that contributed significantly to my decision.

A white-haired wig! How cool is that you get to wear a wig of white hair to work lah you tell me? What? Whaddya mean Malaysian lawyers don’t wear wig no more?

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Chelsea F.C. - The New Crown of Europe

Last year, I had the pleasure of seeing and touching the UEFA Champions League trophy.

Last night, the club that I’ve been ardently supporting for over half a decade had the pleasure of winning it. Best feeling through out the years donning on the Blue jersey, I tell you. KEEP THE BLUE FLAGS FLYING HIGH!

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Lawyer Or Burger Griller

Tomorrow marks the commencement of a very crucial and decisive period of my life. This period of my life will determine whether I’m qualified to move on to my 2nd Year as a law undergraduate and subsequently a career as a disgustingly successful lawyer.

Or I would have to get my sorry ass out and grill Ramly burger patties to make a living for the next 20 years. Wish me luck.

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To Touch A Bro Or Not To Touch

This is not widely known, but there is actually a convention governing the acceptable skin contact between one bro and another. Yes, an unwritten rule about the body regions a bro can touch and which regions a bro cannot touch. I swear I am not making this shit up.

And I also swear that I have no recollection of how many pints of beer I’ve downed whilst writing this blog post.

Anyways, this is a body map of a perfectly normal bro one might have.

Here is an indicator of what the colour represents.

Right, green represents the territory of a bro’s body where touching is perfectly acceptable and normal under any circumstances. Red on the other hand, is strictly off-limits and should at no point in time, come into contact with another bro’s skin. White-coloured areas are debatable as to the legitimacy of skin contact, depending on the varied situations.

Do observe that this whole practice is only applicable under normal daily circumstances between bros. In that sense, there are exceptions that render body contact to be legitimate. For instance, your penis got bitten by a poisonous snake and your bro is a doctor. Y’know, things like that.

Let me give you some simple illustrations with relation to this division. Starting with the regions that a bro can touch freely.

Hands

Perfectly acceptable to have skin-contact between hands because:

1. 
   1. Hands-shakes/palm-locking improve one’s relationship with another and could at the same time strengthen your grip, preventing an early risk of contracting Parkinson’s disease
3. 
   2. Fist-bumping reinforces the brotherhood between one and another. It also celebrates the absence of an engagement/wedding ring; hence, married bros are not encouraged to bump fists.
5. 
   3. Touching the back of a bro’s hand will enable you to determine if your bro had been using a good brand of hand lotion.

Shoulders

Perfectly acceptable to have skin-contact between shoulders because:

1. 
   1. Shoulders represent a bro’s prowess in ‘carrying the burden of life’; therefore it’s a very noble body part and should be given the utmost respect through touching.
2. 
   2. Patting and grasping a bro’s shoulders whilst saying, “Wa bro, damn fit ah you!” is an acknowledgement to his recent hard-work in the gym.
3. 
   3. Knocking shoulders is the highest form of intimacy deemed acceptable between bros. A proper shoulder-bump process would be:
   
   i. Lock palms with each other.
   
   ii. Pull each other close to yourself.
   
   iii. Give your bro’s shoulder a good knock with your shoulder.
   
   iv. Pat your bro’s upper-back.
   
   v. Release your bro immediately and refrain yourself from forming any tears.
   
   This whole process should take an average of 1.87 seconds, no more than that. Note that shoulder-bumping IS NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH HUGGING. There is no complete body-to-body contact here.

We shall now proceed to the area where skin-contact is strictly prohibited.

Groin

I presume that this section requires no further discussion. If you and your bro had been touching each other’s groin thinking that it’s a normal habit of acknowledgement, well, let’s just say you guys are no longer in the ‘bro-zone’ and the relationship is now one level higher. So, congratulations?

Face

Definitely a no-no as touching a bro’s face constitutes a condescending act. When the face of a bro is touched, it could only mean three things. One, you are challenging him to a fight. Two, you are undeniably, irresistibly and irrevocably in love with him. Three, you suspect that he is wearing make-up.

Buttocks

Completely unacceptable for a bro to touch another bro’s buttocks because:

1. 
   1. It is a sacred body part that can only be touched by a chair, bed, floor, car-seat or a female counterpart for a substantial duration of time.
2. 
   2. That is where we fart, for crying out loud. You do not mess with a man’s hole of relief.

The Debatable Areas

Well, this area is deemed debatable as the skin contact with these regions would have to be assessed and analyzed to see if they are bona fide. The list of examples is non-exhaustive and a lot of unthinkable situations may arise. But just to name a few:

1. 1. Contact between legs is legitimate if both of you are sitting in a packed restaurant, side-by-side, whilst wearing shorts. It will, however, be unacceptable for a bro to touch another bro’s legs to see if he had been shaving it.
3. 
   2. The touching of another bro’s forearms is acceptable when a bro had been lifting weights frequently in the gym and you would like to feel how solid it is. It will be unacceptable when you start drawing love-notes on his forearms or play tic-tac-toe on it.
5. 
   3. Touching the back of a bro’s head can also be said to be okay if you’re only patting it to praise him after he had scored a superb goal with his head. It will not be okay if you’re caressing it to feel how soft his hair is.

Again, this list is non-exhaustive and the possible situations can be endless. It really depends on how you see the touching, really.

Now, go forth and touch your bro!

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