A presentation of the Budget 2013 was made not too long ago in the Malaysian Parliament and it received a variance of response from the general public. Some were happy with the provisions, some were upset with the provisions and some didn’t know what just happened because they were too busy updating their iPhone’s operating system.
Since I’m not too qualified to be an advocate on how the government should spend the taxpayers’ money wisely without getting massacred by an angry mob of rakyat, I will not make any attempts to pen down my personal commentaries regarding the Budget 2013. I will, however, give a list of fictitious financial provisions that the government should have allocated whilst preparing the budget.
Do note that the following provisions are purely fictional and has nothing to do with any financial or governmental institution whatsoever.
- 1. RM100 incentive to any rakyat who can do the entire Gangnam Style routine.
- With the recent international hype (okay, maybe not that recent) on a particular celebrated horse-riding dance move of modern Korean origin, it is of no surprise that a majority of Malaysians were swept into this wave of dancing fever too. Parodies after parodies were created in Malaysia itself, revolving around the theme of this highly-popular Korean pop song. The government should be a good sport and reward any Malaysian who can do the Gangnam Style dance without a flaw.
- 2. RM150 cash voucher to purchase V-neck, tight-fitting, colourful or sleeveless t-shirts.
- Since there were denials that the Ministry of Education did endorse any set of guidelines to pinpoint characteristics of being in the gay and lesbian community among school-going kids, financial provisions should be made as a political goodwill to show that the government is okay with guys walking around town wearing a V-neck, sleeveless t-shirt.
- 3. Free ice-cream for the rakyat one day before the general election.
- What more can one do to unite the entire Malaysia but to give out free ice-cream? The unity we share when the incentive provided is in the form of an ice-cream simply couldn’t be recreated by any other means. Ice-cream is our true answer to national unity. The only way to achieve 1Malaysia – giving out free ice-cream.
However, to be economically-sound, it is advised that Baskin Robbins ice-cream be replaced with a more affordable brand, Walls.
- 4. 75% tax increment on all Crocs sandals.
- To curb the issue of hideous-looking sandals being paraded proudly all over our beautiful country, the tariff imposed on any imported Crocs sandals will be hiked to make it unaffordable. Hopefully, there will be a drastic fall in the number of Crocs wearer and the glorious days where Bata flip-flops are flaunted could be restored.
- 5. RM3 subsidy for every cup of tea purchased from tea booths that has the word ‘Cha’ in their registered business name.
- No overall benefit to the country, really. But since the author of this blog is a big fan of the signature winter-melon tea served by a particular Gong Cha, hence, this subsidy is strongly suggested.
- 6. Abolishment of any fee collection at all public toilets that previously require payments.
- It is of the opinion that public toilets that charge a fee before allowing usage is an outright violation of fundamental human rights, especially so when you really need to go and there aren’t any loose change in your wallet. The government should not tolerate any more of this torment from being subjected on their beloved rakyat. As a Malaysian, we should be able to go wee-wee without having any financial woes lying ahead of us.
- 7. RM50,000 rebate for any rakyat who intends to purchase a pet unicorn.
- I’m stretching this a little bit too far, huh?
p.s. Just like a lot of politicians out there, I was totally kidding about the part where I said I’ll serve the people with my sincerest and genuine heart.