AXE Anarchy Island Getaway

I was never good at impressing girls or women. Well, to be fair, I’m still not good at impressing girls or women. Probably because I look like a book-loving boy who needs more sunlight and plastic surgeries.

But then again, it didn’t stopped me from trying. If there is a dictionary around you, do take a look at how thick it is and then back at me. Coz you know what? My face is thicker than your dictionary. Boom.

People always say that here’s a fine line between confidence and being shameless. Honestly, I would see myself as someone who’s being confidently shameless. Let that sink in.

Once in a while, I’ll read an article or two on how to impress girls. One thing I’ve learnt is that the first impression means a whole lot to your game. Yes, you may have the sweetest of personality or the finest-looking face around town, but if you messed up your first impression when meeting a girl, you’ll be going home by yourself and waking up in the morning alone on bed with a sore forearm.

On the bright side, you don’t have to exercise your forearms much when you’re at the gym.

So today, I’m here to give you a short guide on how to win the first impression of someone you’ve just met. These tips are voted to have a success rate of 88% in a recent survey conducted with a group of stray cats. Well, there was this one cat who took a crap on the sheet of survey form I gave him, so I take it that my tips didn’t work for him.

Remember, though these tactics may not have been clinically proven to work for me (or on a human being for the matter of fact), it doesn’t mean that they won’t work for you. Confucius once said, “Belum cuba belum tau, sekali cuba hari hari mau.”

Gentlemen, I give you 3 killer tips to attract the opposite sex!

1. The Pose

It’s always important to burst into a pose when the girl you’re meeting is noticing you. She may be looking at somewhere else and while she’s turning her head towards you, BAM! You get into a pose. So you guys are a restaurant browsing through the menu and deciding on what to eat, she lifts her head up to ask you what you plan to order, BAM! You get into a pose. After dinner, you send her home and when she turns to say thank you, BAM! You get into a pose.

It’s really important that your pose be a good one. Don’t overdo it, be subtle yet suave. You may wanna practice your poses in front of a mirror. Or you could send them in to me and I’ll judge them for you.

Wait, no. On second thoughts, don’t send them in to me. Send them to your favourite aunt who loves to pinch you on your cheeks when you were six years old.

Remember, less is more. The less you overdo your pose, the more chances of you scoring yourself a fantastic date. Don’t worry about people calling you a poser, hater’s gonna hate. But if they really do and you’re really hurt about it, don’t start crying in front of the girl you’re meeting. Go to the nearest toilet and silently weep in a booth, and oh, don’t forget to blow your nose. You'll get over it sooner or later.

If all else fails, start doing the Gangnam Style and hope for the best.

2. The Smile

George Clooney, Zac Efron and David Beckham, what do they have in common? They have killer smiles. No, not smiles that make them look like killers. But smiles that will kill a million girls. Uhm, it still doesn’t sound right and I kinda made matters worse.

Okay, what I really mean is that your smile is the second thing you’ll have to look out for whilst attempting to attract a girl. You need to flash the best smile mankind has ever seen because honestly, no girls will be attracted to a dude who constantly looks like he is mourning for the death of his imaginary pet iguana.

Once again, this requires disciplined practice in front of mirrors. To be frank, I spend 10 minutes everyday smiling in the mirror as a form of practice.

And another 20 minutes in front of any reflective glass doors, car windows, puddle of waters and glossy plastic wrappers.

The clue to having a great smile is to be natural. But be careful; don’t be too natural though, because your natural smile may be scarier than a witch who’s approaching menopause. A little faking might help you improve your smile.

Well, don’t over-fake your smile as if you have something shoved up your butthole. Always important to find the balance.

3. The Sense of Humour

When you’re engaged in a conversation with someone of the opposite gender, it doesn’t hurt to include some elements of humour in it. Unless you’re making jokes about her hairdo, weight and choice of clothes, which in that case, is not cool at all.

Comedic timing is very important. Grab any opportunities to crack a circumstantial joke as it happens. For instance, if she sneezes, tell her this:

“Well, I would say bless you, but an angel doesn’t need any blessing I suppose.”

Yes, say that and watch that angel fly from all the giggling and “OMG YOU ARE SO FUNNY WE SHOULD HAVE A BABY” chants.

Over here, I need to hand out some word of caution. You need to know what kind of jokes are okay and what are not. Sense of humour, though may be a powerful tool to impress, could turn around and become a deadly weapon. Jokes about the lousy politician who swindled the people’s tax money may be fine, but jokes about her mother’s constipation might not be.

It would be a smart move to control your humorous self and only crack appropriate jokes. If you can’t handle your great sense of humour (please read this with a pinch of sarcasm), you should probably just stick to complimenting that beautiful dress she’s wearing or you could just buy her an expensive diamond necklace.

Don’t be a wisecrack.

There you have it guys, 3 simple moves to attract the opposite sex. And here’s a little bonus tip for y’all. Remember to smell good AT ALL TIMES. And how do you do that? Just get yourself one of those deodorant sprays from AXE and you’ll have girls falling all over the sky specially for you. Yup, just like in the commercials! Commercials don’t lie, you know that right?

Wait, there’s more! AXE is being really generous by giving out cash prizes and product hampers in this little blogging competition they are having recently. As for the grand prize winner, the lucky Nuffnanger alongside his/her partner will be sent to a private island in the Caribbean on an all-expense paid trip! This once in a lifetime giveaway, where to find lah?!

And of course, with my 3 killer tips that I have so very kindly shared with everyone, that lucky dude (assumingly speaking, the author of this blog post) is gonna have one heck of a time in the Caribbean. Here’s the best part, you won’t have to wake up in bed along and have a sore forearm anymore!

Tweet