As an Asian, it’s a very challenging task to dress up as a Hollywood character simply because, well, our skin tone, hair colour and eyeballs ain’t doing us a favour.
For the past few days, I’ve been cracking my head trying to figure out what’s the best Hollywood character I could dress up as for the HyppTV Blogger's Party but to no avail.
It’s depressing. I just can’t figure out which character suits me the most!
I can’t dress up as Superman because my puny physical appearance will only make me look like a terribly underweight and anorexic schoolboy wearing tights. And the ‘S’ sign on my chest might look like an ‘I’ because I don’t have enough chest muscle and abs to expand the fella.
Next, I tried Spiderman; which didn’t quite work out as well. Yeah, dressing up as Spidey will be as easy as wearing a pantyhose over my head and tights that are so compact that a very suggestive bulge will appear in between my legs. But you see, the thing is, we live in Malaysia lah. The heat here can be as intense as Chef Wan’s oven in his kitchen. So, running around town with a pantyhose wrapped around your head might actually induce heat-exhaustion and publicly portray yourself as a top-class idiot.
Then, I’ve decided to go with Batman. But to think about it, wearing black from top to toe in Malaysia, well, pretty much implying racism. Should I dress up as Batman and walk the street of Kuala Lumpur, I might get my bum-bum whooped by groups of people. And don’t forget I have a stupid cape that will potentially slow me down when escaping. And not to mention that inutile sidekick of mine who wears striking colours to work everyday. How to hide when your assistant is wearing bloody colourful outfits?
Crap. This is getting bad. I completely have no idea what to wear.
And then it struck me. I don’t have to dress up as an angmoh to the party. I can dress up as Jackie Chan! Yes! That’s it! You see, we share the same tone of skin.
Same hair colour. And reluctantly speaking, maybe same hairstyle (debatable but hey, there's something called wig).
And heck, even our eyeballs also same colour!
Oh my goodness. I really think we look alike! Don’t believe ah? I show you! This is Jackie Chan.
And this, my friend, is a total Jackie Chan lookalike! Right?
Yes, this is perfect. As hard as I was out there trying to fit myself in the shoes of a white person (forgive the pun, because seriously, I have small feet), I’ve totally neglected my own kind! Yes, there is in fact an Asian Hollywood character out there! You see, Jackie isn’t just an actor in Hollywood; he is a character.
First, he is one of the few Asian uncles over there.
Second, he knows how to whoop people’s bum bum like any other Hollywood superheros.
And thirdly, he even has his own cartoon! I mean, how is he not a Hollywood legend?
So dear Nuffnang, can I please be a part of this Hollywoodilicious event on the 6th of May 2011 (Friday), 6.45 p.m. sharp at Neo Tamarind, Jalan Sultan Ismail? I promise I’ll be the best couch potato at the entire party and be the most enthusiastic TV watcher the entire party has ever seen!
Now now, I’ve said please. Don’t make Jackie Chan angry. You don’t like Jackie when he is angry.