God Bless My Long Lost Relative

Internet. You never know what kind of wonders you may stumble upon when one is surfing this humongous network of information and entertainment. Yeah, mostly it’s just porn but hey, there’s more to it than just videos of naked girls.


A few days ago, I received an e-mail from a particular Barrister Kenneth Walker Esq (no idea if he has any blood ties with my dear friends Johnny Walker or Luke Skywalker but it’s actually pretty cool to have a surname like that). In that e-mail, I was informed that a man had died from a horrendous car crash. Well, I assume it’s horrendous because it was stated that the ‘entire family were perished in a forceful Auto-Crash’ (don’t you just love them Europeans) in Madrid.

Bugger must have been a hardcore fan of Real Madrid and was devastated over Real’s 1-0 loss to Levante. Hence the forceful crashing of his auto. Purely my assumption. No substantial evidence whatsoever.

Anyhoos, this guy, apparently, goes by the surname Vincent. And when this Mr. Vincent, well, perished; he left a large sum of money in the bank (€7.5 million to be precise). Yeah, that’s like RM31,784,699.47. Imagine how many boxes of doughnuts I can buy with that sum of money. I’ll probably die an obese and heavily diabetic, but happy man.

Here’s the cool part, according to our Barrister Walker, I was the ‘late’ Mr. Vincent’s next of kin. ME! RM31 million! WOOHOO I’M RICH!

Of course, how could I pass an opportunity like this? I could actually realise my dream of becoming one of Malaysia’s richest and talented and handsomest young man! Yeah, I’m a very shallow person, so sue me.

Immediately, I’ve responded to Barrister Walker and informing him about my interest in this matter.

When I’m finally a rich man, don’t come kissing my ass k?

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