Testing

Hmm, I’m actually using Windows Live Writer to blog. Not bad! Remove all the hassle by logging in to the browser and all the editing.

Kinda cool though.

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Passion

When we are passionate about certain things, we will put our full attention and effort for it. For things we are passionate about are things that we love deeply.

Sacrifices is a 'must' for your passion. You need to sacrifice a lot for that something or someone you are passionate about. And not just solely sacrifices, there should never be any complains included through out the "period" of sacrificial.

Perhaps you may think, only idiots will sacrifice, there is no necessity to "sacrifice" for something we like. No! Because that is not passion anymore! That is just pure adoration. What is the point if you like a girl, but do not put great effort to tackle her? And when you tackle her, dare you not agree that sacrifices are to be made?

With great passion comes great sacrificial. For at the end, every little bit of it is worth it.

Being passionate is not just about liking it; it's about understanding it. Every single detail about the particular passion must be on our fingertips. There is no use falling for a girl but not knowing what she loves and loathes.

When passion is concerned, lust will definitely be associated. But it's otherwise.

Passion and lust are two different things. When you have sex with a girl just for the sake of pleasure, that is lust. But when you have sex with a girl because you truly love that particular girl that plays the most significant role in your life and cannot be replaced now and ever - now that is passion.

So if you think you are passionate about something or someone, learn to be 101% passionate for it.

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Proportional

Blog used to be a part of my life, since Form 2 -3 years ago- and I can frankly admit that I can't live without blog.

My first blog was on Windows Live Spaces, that old junk had no visits at all, I was like talking to myself insanely, totally retarded.

Then I "shifted" my blog to Myspace. Traffics were slightly better, 2 views per week. Well, at least there are people hearing my thoughts. Better than nothing.

I started Blogger last year. Traffics were kinda OK for a novice blogger like me, at least there is some visits every day. Then I had both Nuffnang and Innit to help me make more blogging acquaintance and boosting my blogging network - I've made a lot of friends through blogging.

Blog is always a part of me. It lives in me.

But recently, I've been neglecting that part of me. I hardly update my green page.

Why?

I've been giving myself all sort of excuses to not blog - extra classes, revision, exams. Talking about exams, my current exam serve as a harsh reminder to me - it's time to start moving my ass and bloody revise all the shit I've missed out.

Blogging, not directly proportional to my life anymore.

Trying hard to re-live my blogging life.

Sad.

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Impotent

It's like impotent.

You've been practising all these while. You've gain all the confidence and knowledge to do it. You feel like you are all ready to do it. You know that you can do it. But the fact is - you CAN'T.

That's like impotent.

Ever felt confident about doing something perfectly but the end result sucked so badly that you would rather shove your own leg up your nose? I've already been feeling that way for a dread long time.

I never knew what was I doing, all I know is that I'm doing it because I want to do it and I need to do it for the sake of preserving my culture and sustaining my future.

Taking Chinese language's public examinations.

Bought up as a Chinese boy who never spoke the language much always made me feel the need to pick up the language. And being grateful to my parents, I was sent to a Chinese school - my parents were fully English educated, from scratch till grad.

Everytime I learn the language, I'll learn it with full of enthusiasm, I'll learn it with passion and I'll learn it with pride -although I often skip Chinese language classes under the excuse "too tired"- but I appreciate the language, never have I plan to stop learning it.

But one thing that always pull my morale down - my exam grades. Despite tonnes of effort and hard work placed in, I've never soared well in my Chinese papers. From day one I started learning until today, my fifth and final year in secondary school, never have I excelled in Chinese language.

All I ever got is B's and C's for Chinese language in public exams. Even if I were to get an A -which happen once in a blue moon- I will only scratch away from the lower grade. Just one or two marks lesser and my A will automatically disappear, just like that.

To me, obtaining a 'B' in public examination is like a middle finger pointing straight to my face and telling me "You're an all-time loser! Piss off!" followed by evil laughs.

So what if I pass with flying colours in my other subjects? As a Chinese, I can't even do well in my mother tongue, my roots, something basic I must know. Some might think I'm overreacting, but to me, I take it very personally. So if you're pissed with me for being sensitive, have it your way.

As a Chinese, I'm really a disgrace to my ancestors, my family, my parents and my darling dear who had so much faith and trust in me. I've disappointed all of you.

Why wasn't I born a Spaniard or a Portuguese? No wait, I would have disgraced my own race too no matter what I'm born as. I feel like crying.

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