Well, sort of. You know how I always tend to exaggerate and make a boast out of myself? This is one of them. Heh.
Courtesy of TimeOutKL, I was given the privilege to attend a 2-hours workshop on the art of coffee-making. My whole life, I was made to believe that we can only get coffee when we pour boiling water into a cup filled with Nescafe instant coffee powder but everything was bound to change when I stepped in to the brightly-lit classroom at Universita Del Caffe, a one-of-a-kind coffee school situated in Petaling Jaya. 
I’ve heard about a lot of coffee shops but a coffee school? It’s exactly like a school, just that they teach you how to make coffee. I find this very useful because when you graduate from a coffee school, it’s so much easier to get a job making coffee in one of the mamak stalls. You have no idea how competitive the job market is nowadays. Okay, totally kidding about the whole mamak stall thing. Come on lah, got certificate still need to work in a small mamak joint meh? Of course upgrade and work for Old Time Kopitiam lah. Pffft. I deserve some tight slapping, I’m telling you. This coffee workshop was basically a short eye-opener for us coffee illiterate
jakuns. You’ll be surprised at how blatantly shallow most of us are when it comes to coffee. I for one, admit that ignorance. So you beg to differ because you’ve spent half of your life and monthly salary drinking Starbucks? Cute. Here, have a stone. Go sit in a corner and play with your little Starbucks plastic cup while the adults here talk about a fine shot of espresso made from pure Arabica beans. Ceh, coffee jargons like real only.
Frankly, 2 hours was a tad too little to learn so much about a good cup of espresso. But superficially, the briefing and demonstrations were sufficient. A pleasant cup of espresso should be brewed with water of 90 degree Celsius, tamped with 25kg of force and extracted for 25 seconds. There are several other factors that should be taken into consideration when brewing a delectable cup of espresso but unfortunately, I was too busy doing nothing to actually remember every little detail. Knowing how to make a good shot of espresso is seemingly important as it is the base for many other drinks, for instance cappuchino, macchiato and latte. If your espresso, don’t expect to make a drinkable cup of mocha out of it. It is just like the importance of talking cock. When one knows how to talk cock properly and fluently, he will be able to do many other things, like becoming a politician or even become a successful blogger. Talking good cock is the base, just like how a good cup of espresso is the base. Right, the workshop. So here are some photos of the high-end coffee machines that are being used in the coffee industry today. There’s this silver colour machine. 
Another silver colour machine. 
Oh look, silver colour machine again. 
The following one is a home-use console. Not that expensive, only plus minus RM1,800. (You do know that I’m applying what we call ‘sarcasm’ here right? Good.) 
As for this one, it is certainly the most canggih and jia-lat coffee machine in Malaysia. If you sell this fella, you’ll have enough money to buy a Perodua Myvi. Seriously. 
And you know what it does? It brews coffee that tastes like RM50,000. Now, here comes the interesting part. Besides learning how to brew espresso, we were taught how to make coffee art. You know, using milk to make an image on the surface of your cup of coffee? Yes, ladies and gentleman, I finally knew how to do that already! I made these. No kidding. 
I’m so damned talented I could practically kiss myself in the mirror. Okay, I so did not say that out publicly. As gifted as I am, nobody could beat Goh, the barista who partially conducted the workshop. This guy, I tell you, was sent to earth to make art in our drinks. He is the Leonardo da Vinci in what he draws, the Steven Spielberg in what he produces and the Freddie Mercury in what he performs. That sounds selfishly vain, you were commenting? Let me show you some of his artwork, made before our very eyes in less than 30 seconds. Yes, you’ve heard me, no more than 30 seconds were spent on each masterpiece.
Flora. 
Fauna. 
And even elephant. ELEPHANT! 
This guy can do anything. 
And the thing is, how could you possibly drink something so adorable? 
I must say, that 2 hours had been really a rewarding experience. Being an ardent coffee drinker myself, it has really changed my entire perspective and horizon on coffee. Given the chance, I will definitely come back here and learn about this beautiful art. 
I can, after all, come out and open my own high-class cafe when I’m good enough. Then charge you exorbitantly for a cup of kopi-o. And the best part is, you’ll still come back for more because my cafe ‘ada standard ada class so you datang sini nampak macam orang atas’. Walau eh, I really am a genius lah.
